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Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Confusion over Vampire movies finally put to rest






I saw on a news feed somewhere the other day, an article attempting to rationalize why it is ok for men to go see the two Twilight movies and this made me realize that I needed to step in and be the voice of reason on this topic. NO MAN SHOULD EVERY WATCH THE TWILIGHT MOVIES. The only reason a man should ever be caught watching one of the Twilight movies is if he is attempting to persuade a girl to hook up with him. Still, even if this is the case, he will have to relinquish a ton of man points and buy all of his bros a round of beer to maybe reduce the amount of trash talking carnage he is sure to receive from them because of it. There is nothing man movie about a bunch of candy ass vampires who are confused about whether or not they are abercrombie and fitch models or just lame ass emo kids, that fall in love with high school girls.
There are only 3 vampire movies a man should ever see: Blade 1, Blade 2, Blade 3. These three movies will never be touched when it comes to good ol' fashioned vampire ass kicking. Wesley Snipes dedicated his life to making these movies so much that he forgot to pay his taxes and is probably someones bitch in jail now. Hell, just for good measure, I will even throw in the first two Underworld movies to add a little diversity to the list. This is simply based upon the fact that any movie with a vampire fighting a werewolf is my kind of a movie and on top of that, for some strange reason, Kate Beckinsale looks really hot as a gothic/emo chick in these movies.So, for those of you who think I don't know what I'm talking about and that I am being to harsh on Twilight, remember one thing, South Park never made an episode ripping any of the vampire movies I recommended.

HOLY SHIT! The Expendables


If this movie is made I am confident I will be able to die a happy man. The following is the cast: Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Dolph Lundgren, and Mickey Rourke. Thats right people, drink it up and let it simmer. This movie could literally have the worst plot known to mankind and would still be one of the greatest movies ever made. If this movie was made 15 years ago it would have grossed more money than the Titanic. The plot involves our cast being a group of mercenaries that are sent to South America to take out a corrupt dictator, which I believe is an excellent plot for this movie due to its simplicity. Simple and sweet is all you need for a plot when you have this kind of acting caliber in your movie. Stallone will be directing it and from what ive read they might possibly be bringing in Steaven Seagal for this movie. If this occured I would probably take out my checkbook and write a donation to the production of this movie personally. Also, there are a few interviews and video clips available about this movie, so go check it out and prepare yourself for the revolution.